I’m rarely self-referential on this site because I’d like every piece to stand on its own, strictly about the subject matters which this blog is here to cover by my rules. That is my Pure-O OCD first, OCD in general second, and then issues with anxiety and other mental disorders (and living with mental disorders in general.)
My OCD does not want me to stray from that, because that is intellectually messy and a part of me-my other brain-would say “wrong.”
This is how I communicate with the world. I only use social media for other projects (art) and to essentially augment this site. I also communicate with people about OCD when I feel I have something worthwhile to say (and this usually ends up with me referencing something I wrote for this site anyway.)
I hate the pace of the blogging world. I feel I must produce new material at a fast-paced clip. I put out an entry every four days, and because of my mood disorders which often prevent writing for long stretches, I always want fourteen days or more of content queued up. But the pace is still there.
However, that pace does not lend itself to the best quality work I feel. Don’t get me wrong, I am proud of most of the pieces on this blog. But I need to say it: it often feels like homework. And homework was and is just… well… stupid.
I often feel I’d be better off spending a few weeks writing a good piece rather than a collection of smaller pieces in that same timeframe.
I know a lot of this actually has to do with my OCD because I can feel the tentacles of thought grow as I think deeper and deeper on a subject. Those tentacles also require energy and time to fully explore. I often don’t.
Now, if I were to let my OCD run wild, I would be perfecting the third piece for this blog here today, having fifteen nixed revisions laying in a “junk” folder. So the blog forces me to overcome that.
However, I am talking about a middle ground between that and the realities of constantly coming up with original content.
There’s really no answer to this, and this piece isn’t going to end with one. It is a frustration I deal with (my life is full of them if there’s one thing I’m good for to myself is frustration in my life.)
I don’t know what I’d want if I could control the way things are consumed. But I can’t do that, so even I know it is useless to think in those terms.
I have some ideas, but they just don’t fit the state of the presentation of media in today’s world.
Maybe I’ll expand on that here, or maybe I’ll just keep it in my head.
This piece here is not a lie, but it is a product of needing to produce content right now-as my queue of pieces tells me I only have fifteen days of content left.
So that’s this. For what it’s worth.