This is part of a series of ongoing OCD episodes, which I will post as they happen. This is live, stream of consciousness. It happens. Often. Sometimes the subjects are different.

I have wrist pain. I’ve had it for a few weeks now. The whole of my life is pretty much working on my desktop computer. When I am not painting. This is not good.

I have insurance now. Well, that’s new. So let’s put all of this together and see what the doctor says. Trust.

It all comes down to medication, really. Ok, a wrist brace for $40. And medication.

Gabapentin.
Steroids to start and taper down with.

Don’t take the steroids at night, says the pharmacist. If I get them in the mail after 3pm, start them the next day. Makes sense. I guess. Apparently causes insomnia.

I get the Gabapentin (will get to this in a bit) and steroids in the mail. The steroids are a system of pills to be taken in the morning and night, tapering down from day one. I don’t quite trust a medication I need to taper down from beginning on day one. That seems intense.

AND IT IS INTENSE.

I CANNOT SLEEP ON NIGHT ONE. I made a big mistake and followed the rules.

Oh but the nice thing about the insomnia I’m currently experiencing in my memory as I write this? Gabapentin.

It makes one happy. Oh, they gave me a lot as well. I forgot to mention—and only because it was mentioned offhandedly—that Gabapentin works on “nerves in general, even you… brain.” So said the doctor.

Things working on my brain should be something we’re careful with, no? I told him about my OCD, anxiety, and other issues. Didn’t matter, what matters to him is my wrist. Which is nice, because I need that working.

I also need my brain working.

I let it go, I finally get to sleep at around 2am or so, and I’m quite happy about every single thing I can possibly think of from that moment on for the next three to four days. I don’t know. Maybe five.

Happy. Just really happy. Not high. Just happy. Way too happy. Stupid happy. “I can’t even get mad at things I normally get mad at happy.” This is way too much happy.

So the steroid tapering lasts for five days.

The happy lasts for five days. “The Happy” (capitalized this time) meaning the extreme happy. The unstoppable happy.

Then day six. Stress happens. Lots of stress in a period of an hour.

The happy begins to be muted.

Sort-of.

Is it the steroids or the Gabapentin?

I don’t know. I may have found an answer to a problem here. My psych is not involved yet. This is all about my wrist.

My wrist is… only sort-of happy.

I am now sort-of happy.

I sort-of want to be sort-of happy.

This may be good.

Gabapentin. Not the steroids. They’re done.

Gabapentin may be… something to look into.

I assume the sort-of happy will subsist.

I always assume the worst, of course. I have OCD.