This is part of a series of ongoing OCD episodes, which I will post as they happen. This is live, stream of consciousness. It happens. Often. Sometimes the subjects are different.
Why would one drink milk? No, this has nothing to do with taste or nutrition, and certainly nothing to do with the fact that it is an animal byproduct. My OCD doesn’t care about that. Though I’m not a fan of the phlegm it creates. That’s not the issue here.
I look at a glass of milk in my house and think, this is going to turn out disgusting.
My OCD thinks forward about what is going to happen with this milk after it’s finished. Is it going to sit there? Is the glass going to be washed out? How much is the glass going to be washed out and when.
A glass that once held milk, if not fully cleaned, can set into place a plethora of the revolting. The circle formed of old milk… why?
Milk wants to go bad. All milk wants to go bad. And bad milk is the most repulsive entity besides fungus and the like.
When I look at milk, I can sense its future, and its future is rotten.
You know the other problem? Milk is a liquid. It is wet. Dry dirt like dust and the like doesn’t bother me as much as something liquid? Why is this? I have no idea.
This is OCD. This is how I see an everyday drink that is so common it is part of being a mammal. I go here. I recoil. I see it for something it is not—yet.
I know this sounds absolutely asinine, and I have to deal with that. How do I react when someone is drinking milk? It is completely unfair for me to react like I’ve written above. Yet at the same time, that is how I feel.
This is the problem with having a mental disorder that affects the perception of the shared world. Sure, everyone has their own tastes and likes and dislikes. But mine are so far beyond the normal scale, I’m faced with either being crazy or quiet.
I need to stop. My OCD needs to stop. I need to let milk be—just milk.
But I can’t.
It is permanently rotten.
It can be rotten, it becomes rotten, therefore it is rotten in my brain.
My brain is rotten.
One of the two.