This article is by no means complete. It really is an outline, or a foundation. The whole idea of THAT- seeing these articles as incomplete and needing more and more from my mind- is something I plan on discussing as part of my condition. I can’t even pick the category for this article without over-thinking.

“Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” It’s an oft-mentioned phrase in America, it’s somewhat governmental (do note you should know it is not in the American Constitution, but the Declaration of Independence¹), and the term I’m going to focus on- “happiness” may very well have meant something of a slightly different nuance in 1776 than it does today. But, inalienable rights- of which people long ago saw these three things as- are important to define for all of humanity. And I think those who wrote the Declaration of Independence, well, they were onto something.

I’m going to go with a modern definition of happiness, but it will include a wide range of emotions like contentment, calmness of being, and the fulfillment of one’s own existence- the latter being a lengthy way of saying “being ok.”

I am not a happy person. The fact that I write about my mental conditions should not be an indication that I’ve come up with any solutions for them. They are a massive burden, and they are steel-reinforced blockades to happiness. I can communicate, I can create (though not as often as I’d like for these aforementioned conditions), and I can pretty much fake my way through typical life.

However.

I often get angry that I am not happy. I know that my life is probably complicated, but that which makes me happy- while I can’t always describe it to people well- is not complicated. At least I am pretty sure of that. I find happiness in calm and simple.

So I think: I really shouldn’t feel so unhappy and unfulfilled. I feel that’s… wrong. I truly feel it is wrong for anyone not to feel happiness, unless the lack of happiness is of their own doing and lack of trying².

I work towards happiness. I work very, very hard. I’d even say this being such the forefront of my ambitions and goals- I try harder than most anyone I know. Just to be happy. Ironically here, a simple happiness

This is where it gets into a lot of murky shit where I look real bad, seem angry at the world, which leads to all sorts of insinuation that I feel I deserve certain things that humans are responsible solely for crafting themselves. The phrase “certain things” mentioned here is important. Because the insinuation is that I feel I deserve a life that is maybe easy, catered to by people I somehow find lesser than me, and a host of other evil things. All the while, I’m saying this as a member of a first world country. Fucking murky.

All of this I’ve said above has such a multitude of places where people- even smart people- can stop reading and dismiss my beliefs in what I should expect as asking too much relative to the rest of the world- of which I do have many things easier than the majority of people.

But I am me. And I refuse to not believe happiness is- in its core and even modern definition- a right. For all humans, and being me, I am concerned with me.

So me. I’m here to talk about me, and I don’t feel bad doing so.

The frustration with my lack of happiness is because I feel under the control of something other than me, and I’m angry at that. Thing. I don’t feel that has anything to do with my status on any area of existence relative to anyone else in the world.

I feel you, fellow reader, should be happy. I feel I should be happy. I feel that is a right, and I am very intentionally and stalwartly using the term “should.”

So… solutions!

“This area is intentionally left blank.”

 

¹ I’d go as far as saying that would have been a nice thing to constitutionally guarantee, but this isn’t a site about the foundation of law.

² Now do I actually fit into this category, and thus am nullifying this whole piece? I assume some people think so. I know this not to be true.