Friggin’ Fortune Cookies

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I believe in signs and omens. I do not believe in the supernatural per se, but my OCD pushes me to see eventualities through seemingly benign content. Mostly words and numbers.

Fortune cookies are, at their core, stupid. Who the hell knows who makes up the fortunes within. They’re not even fortunes by any definition of the word that I accept. They are words1. That’s it. Words.

But when given a set of fortune cookies I take the one that catches my eye first and actually go as far as opening it knowing it is probably a sign of something either true in general or will become true. There are so many logical fallacies in play here I don’t even want to get into them. This comes from someone that knows tarot cards, fortune telling itself, and even ghosts are complete BS.

I know this. But my OCD controls another part of my brain- or as I often say, a second brain I have to deal with- which accepts things like signs, omens, and the like. This is not even an attempt to find control and meaning in a world that is utterly devoid of it. I am not religious at all, for example. So much so that I don’t even accept classifications such as Atheism and Agnosticism. I’m none of these- I believe we’re not meant to know why this world is the stuff of an eternal existential crisis.

Ok, back to fortunes.

I’ve decided to not only collect these but as a computer programmer, I’ve built a web-based application to scroll through these on my second office computer’s monitor2.

While these articles here are static and unchanging once I publish, I’ll add the collection I’ve amassed up to date. Oh, and I’ve added some of my own. Of course. Control. Or compulsion?

These are the ones that spoke to me:

• Failure is opportunity in disguise.
• No man is free who is not a master of himself.
• Allow disruption to deepen your concentration.
• You are the flexible person in your present situation.
• Greed leads to poverty.
• If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.
• Those who can endure the most are rewarded the most.
• Be cautious and examine any business plan.
• A tamed mind brings happiness.
• You always have the right answers; they just sometimes ask the wrong questions.
• An inch of time is an inch of gold.
• A way out of a financial mess is discovered as if by magic!
• All happiness is in the mind.

These are the ones I’ve written myself:

• Everyone is making it up as they go along.
• You know you can be happy, right?
• You are in control.
• Always consider shady goings-on.
• All is calm in the middle of calamity.

That is what I look at. In large sans-serif text. All day long3.

1 I hate the term affirmations and that right there should be the last time you see the word on this site.

2 I’m going to make millions on the IPO, I tell ya! Contact me if you wish to invest.

3 Well, that and the news, time, weather map, and about 200 numbers that act as my reporting on everything regarding my work.